She Would Never Love Me
by I'm-Reading
Summary: I loved Lily Evans, but I was finally coming to terms with the fact that she would never love me. Or not.
1. Chapter 1

**AN. This is my first story. Just starting something out. I'm thinking about writing more, tell me what you think!!**

I honestly and truly believed that I loved her. Lily Evans. It wasn't that she loved me, or that she ever would. I hoped someday she would grow to love me, but I wasn't counting on it. I was content just to love her. Just to marvel in how perfect she was, to stare at her beauty, to watch her act. I loved everything about Lily Evans. And I think that I was finally coming to terms with the fact that she would never love me.

"Prongs," I heard a voice call.

I blinked my eyes lazily.

"What?"

"You were completely zoned out, daydreaming about Evans again," Sirius said with a roguish grin on his face.

"No," I muttered under my breath, but from his smile I knew he heard me.

Dang.

"Are you sure you weren't just completely staring off into space in Evan's general direction with a glazed over look in your eyes," he said a sparkle in his eyes.

"I'm almost positive I wasn't doing that," I replied in what I hoped was a semi calm voice.

"Well it sure looked like it."

"Oh, just leave him alone Sirius," Remus said looking up from the book his face was currently plastered onto; "he has enough trouble as it is."

God, I love that man, knows just when to whack Sirius on the head.

"With all his _head _duties," Sirius added mockingly.

_Whack._

See, knows exactly when to whack him on the head.

"Ow, that hurt," Sirius whined as he picked on a chicken leg.

"It was supposed to," muttered Remus, already back to his book.

"You've wounded me," Sirius cried placing his hand on his heart.

"What's with all the drama today?" I asked moodily.

Sirius grinned wickedly and I didn't stifle the urge to groan.

"This is only the great beginning."

*****

I arrived five minutes early for Transfiguration. Slid into the empty seat at the front of the room and started looking over my homework. Over time people came in taking seats. Lily looked at me strangely when she sat down, do I really never show up early. I did a mental search egine. Dang. Remus slid into the seat next to me.

"Have you seen Sirius," he whispered.

Class hasn't started yet buddy. You can talk.

"Nope."

He gave me a look and then did a double take.

"Are you checking your homework?" he asked in a kind of awed voice.

"Yep," I said, crossing something out.

Honestly, was I really this bad?

McGonagal entered the room her robes sweeping out behind her.

"Today, we will be studying the art of human transfiguration. People that can-"

She was cut off as Sirius sweeped into the room.

"You're late ," McGongal said curtly.

Sirius plopped down in a seat and ignored her, he looked down at his nails.

"."

No response.

"10 points from Gryffindore."

She sighed. "People that have mastered human transfiguration our known as Animagus. You become an Animagus by-"

"_You become an Animagus by,"_ a mocking voice say.

That voice sounded eerily familiar.

"Mr. Potter," McGonagal barked.

Oh yah, me.

"Are you mocking my classroom?" her lips pinched together.

I mentally cringed and opened my mouth.

"_Are you mocking my classroom?"_ the same voice repeated, and I swear I never even opened my mouth.

I looked over at Sirius, who was smirking. Have I ever mentioned that he's good at voice impersonations. I resisted the urge to glare at him.

"Detention Mr. Potter," she said sweeping around.

"_Detention Mr. Potter,"_ Sirius said again in my voice.

"For a week. See me after class."

I scowled as soon as she turned her back. Stupid Sirius.

Class continued easily seeing as I knew all the material since fifth year. Having first hand experience might have helped too.

"And right me two and a half feet on the Animagus transformation and it's effects."

The class filed out and Lily turned and glared at me. I went up to McGonagal's desk.

"I know this looks bad, but let me explain. It was Sirius."

She pursed her lips, "It certainly sounded like you Mr. Potter."

"I know," I rambled on, "but Sirius, he's really good at voice impressions and he was just-"

Her look stopped me. "Don't worsen your punishment by blaming other Mr. Potter. A week's worth of detention, meet me in my office at eight, starting tomorrow night."

I nodded solemly and stepped out the door. Sirius was so going to get it!


	2. Chapter 2

Now the question was how could I make Sirius pay. I could give him detention. But as soon as I thought of it I threw it away, he wasn't scared of detention. I needed to hit him where it hurts. I sighed. This is way harder than it looks.

As I sat there in my silent musing I heard a faint buzzing nose and a flash of red. I shook my head slightly. Lily's head came into focus, her eyes narrowed. Not a good sign.

"Potter!" she screamed at me.

No, definitely not a good sign.

"Yes, Lily," I said in what I hoped was my most Head Boy voice. I most definetly do not practice in the mirror.

"I've been yelling at you for the past ten minutes."

She huffed and I piece of her hair flew up and I tried very hard not to stare.

"Potter," she screeched.

"Yes, Lily," I said politely.

"You're doing it again."

Crap, not good. Do not stare, do not stare.

"I was coming over here to tell you that Professor Dumbledore has us planning a ball. We need to work together and plan the ball. What are you doing tomorrow?"

She said it all in a rush, like once it was out she wouldn't have to say anything, wouldn't have to be in my presence any longer. But it didn't matter. I could easily envision us sitting planning, didn't matter if it would be some stupid ball. It would be just Lily and I, because I had absolutely nothing planned. And then it struck me, detention. I almost groaned out loud.

"I'm sorry Lily, but I have other arrangements," I forced the words out of my mouth.

No way was I admitting that I had detention to Lily Evans.

She had this really shocked expression on her face, as if she expected me to jump out and shout "April Fools!"

"Can't you reschedule?" she kind of sputtered out.

"Don't think that McGonagall would really like if I skipped out on detention," the words just slipped right out of my mouth. Crap.

Lily's eyes narrowed and I gulped.

"You have detention! Your head boy for goodness sake, your supposed to be setting an example for the rest of the school, you can't go goofing off and go get detention. Your supposed to lead the school, people these days need someone to look up to! For some insane reason Dumbledore chose you! I have no idea why, you're the last thing we need!"

Then she was gone and I was left with a sick feeling in my stomach, like someone had punched me. I had to sit down and I fought against the feeling to lay down and cry. And I couldn't help but think. This was all Sirius's fault.


	3. Chapter 3

I collapsed on to the empty dorm bed, trying to ignore the sick feeling in my stomach. Why did Sirius have to be such a git sometimes? What was up with him?

As if by miracle the man in question walked in the door, saw me and made a dramatic sigh.

"What is up with you?"

"What?" he said, looking uninterested.

"You're being a git," I answered, trying to stay calm.

"What's with you?" he sneered, "had a fight with Evans did you?"

"This is what I'm talking about," I said my voice rising in pitch, "Do you have a problem with me?"

His face lost the smirk and when he spoke his voice was flat.

"Regulus is a death eater."

I really almost gasped, but realized that it would be inappropriate so I settled for looking shocked.

"I found out after breakfast," he sighed, "You know I'd been teasing you, and when I found out. Your life just seemed so perfect and-"

I stood up and walked over. I hugged him tight.

"It's fine," I said softly.

"We used to be so close," he said mournfully, "used to play together, me being in Gryffindor really put things off. You know he's always wanted to impress my parents. I just didn't think it'd be so soon."

"Shhh," I said softly. What are best friends for?

At the moment Remus walked in, looked so confused, poor bloke. He pointed at Sirius and raised his shoulders. I waved my arms at him behind Sirius's back. I pointed at my left arm and drew the dark mark. Remus's mouth dropped open and he just stood there looking shocked. I really did almost sigh, but didn't want Sirius to think that I thought he was being needy. I pointed at Sirius and then mimed a shorter figure. Remus closed his mouth and mouthed "Regulus". I nodded, good Moony. Mouthing, sheesh why didn't I think of that.

"Come on, Padfoot," I said, "I know exactly what you need."

I grabbed the Map and grabbed his hand, "a trip to the kitchen would do you good."

We entered the common room to find it empty. We slowly crept to the fat lady's portrait and I was about to push it open when I heard a voice call.

"What are you doing up?" Lily asked as she stood up from her place from the fireplace, a book beside her showed what she had been doing.

"Just going down to the kitchens," I said innocently, "Not illegal is it?"

"It's passed curfew," she protested.

I sighed, really making things up to my best friend shouldn't be this hard.

"And do you know what Lily?" I asked her as I pushed open the portrait, "At the moment I couldn't care less what you thought."

And then we were gone.

As soon as we the door closed on a very shocked Lily Evans, Sirius turned to me.

"Did you just do what I thought you did?"

"What did I do?" I asked cautious.

"You stood up to Lily Evans." Sirius said in amazement, Regulus completely forgotton. That was good.

"So."

"James," Sirius said seriously, no pun intended, "You've been like putty in her hands since third year."

"Nah," I said, "You can't be serious."

"Had to tell you mate, but my name really is Sirius."

We shared a laugh and for a moment our worries where gone and it didn't matter that his brother now had a mark on his arm or that Lily would never love me, because for just this night it was just the two of us.


	4. Chapter 4

**AN: Just to let you guys know I added the Transfiguration lesson to the end of the first chapter. I realized it sounded off. **

I plunked myself down on the bench beside Remus, who once again had his head in a book. A different one! Honestly how much does that man read?

"Remus," I said softly.

No response.

"Remus," I said again, slightly louder.

He determinedly flipped a page.

"Remus," I said poking him lightly.

"What," he finally growled.

"Nothing," I said lightly.

He growled under his breath as he propped the book up on the table and started to eat. Does he ever put them down? Sirius dropped into the seat next to me. He immediately began filling his plate.

"Sirius,' I whispered to him softly.

"What?' he whispered back.

"Should I apologize to Lily?"

He looked so aghast I immediately regretted saying anything.

"Your right," I mumbled, "I shouldn't even ask, of course I should-"

"What?" Sirius said voice rising above the whisper level. He just didn't know how to be secretive.

"Shhh," I whispered holding my finger to my lips on case he didn't get it, "Voice level."

"Apologize?" he whispered fervently, "she was being a witch.'

"Sirius," I explained, "she is a witch."

He rolled his eyes at me, "Muggle expression."

"Still," he whispered back, "she was out of bounds and you didn't do exactly what she said and that annoyed her, she can cope.'

I sighed returning to my eggs.

"Still," I mumbled.

"I need to go talk to her," I said standing up.

"Don't even think of-"

"I'm not going to," I said cutting him off.

I grabbed my bag, "See you in Defense."

I heard him sigh and mutter, "hopeless case."

"Lily," I called, going up to the redhead, "I need to talk to you."

She sighed, but followed me out of the Great Hall.

"What do you need Potter?"

I took a deep breath.

"I have detention, all of this week, but if your not doing anything this weekend then I was wondering if-"

"I'm not going out with you," she hissed.

I laughed lightly.

"Let me finish my sentence. I was wondering if we could get together to plan the ball. The one you were telling me about yesterday."

She blushed.

"Sorry," she stuttered, "I just assumed that-"

I smiled.

"It's okay. Friends?"

I held out my hand, she hesitantly took it.

"Friends," she said.

"What do you have next?" I asked her.

"Defense," she said hesitantly.

"So do I. Do you want to walk?"

She shook her head, "have to get my bag."

"Alright," I said smiling, "See you around Lily."

I turned around to walk away.

"See you around, James."


	5. Chapter 5

**AN. I won't be able to post a chapter tomorow, so... I gave you and extra long chapter instead. Tell me if I'm moving to fast. Hope you like!**

I entered the defense classroom to find it empty. Does no one come early? I plopped down in a seat and took out my homework and hastily looked over it. I sighed heavily. It was total and complete crap. I dug through my bag and found a spare piece of paper and straightened it out on my desk. Now what to write... I started writing, and surprisingly enough it was easy and extended way past the required length, I was so immersed in my writing (ink flying everywhere trust me) that I didn't notice when someone was tapping me on the shoulder.

"James," the person called annoyingly.

"What," I said straightening from over my parchment.

"What are you writing?" Remus asked annoyingly.

Probably my payback for annoying him over breakfast.

"My essay," I said turning back to it.

"The essay's only supposed to be one and a half feet," Remus said. Does he have everything memorized?

"How long's mine," I asked looking down.

Dang, it was nearing three feet. Man, am I good. Wonder if I get extra credit.

I quickly finished off the essay, well, maybe not that quickly. Honestly it only took me another two minutes, Remus claims otherwise but who listens to him anyways? Anyway the point is I had just finished when Professor McKinnon swept in. Her dark robes and hair swirling out behind her.

"Hand in you papers," she barked.

There was a scuffle as everyone hurried up to the desk. I waited behind until everyone had turned theirs in. I carefully handed her my paper. I headed back to my seat and watched as she carefully read through each one, placing a mark on each of them. It was her tradition to start the class by grading each of the papers, it was the opposite of what most teachers did, but McKinnon was probably the most different teacher I had ever met.

She was twenty years old, tall and slim with long dark hair and sparkling blue eyes. She had a long scar that stretched from her eye to her jaw. From what I had heard she had been training to be in auror from right after she left Hogwarts. It was a well known fact that they usually didn't except people that young, but right after she'd finished her auror training, she'd come here to teach defense. Not that I was complaining or anything, she was probably the best defense teacher they had ever had, but she was strange.

She finished grading the papers and started to hand them out, she finished the last of them and I was left with nothing. Curious.

"As you undoubtedly know last nights assignment was to right a foot and a half on the importance of dueling," she informed us, "I received a fascinating essay and I'd like to read part of it to you."

I had a sinking feeling in my stomach.

"Dueling has always been a huge sport," she began, "From early on it was the wizard's sword fighting. People challenged each other to fancy duels and people would come and watch. There were specific rules and guidelines, the duel ended when the person was left wandless. But even then in the shadows there where different kind of duels, duels where the only rule was to kill or to be killed. And that's what a wizard's war is."

"Now as the war rages on about us dueling is all the more important. Because when you duel, it's not about who wins in the end, it's about who comes away with there life. There is no safety of the classroom, you're either alive or your dead. If you want to help people, or even if you just want to survive then you have to know how to duel. You have to be able to block and dodge and leap and soar. You have to be able to use magic like you've never used magic before or else your dead, or someone you loved is dead, in the snap of a moment, they're gone."

Everyone in the class was staring intently at her as she read the words off my paper.

"Congratulations Mr. Potter," Professor McKinnon said, handing me back my paper, "On a fabulous job."

Everyone looked at me in amazement and I could feel Lily's eyes upon me.

"Now everyone," she called, "Books away, wands out."

The few people who's books where out where hastily stuffed them into their bags. McKinnon muttered a quick spell and the desks all flew into the corner.

"Now today we're having a practical lesson. One person will duel against me, when the duel is over, the winner will duel the next person. And so on and so forth, we will be continuing these next few classes so don't be discouraged if you're not chosen today. Our fabulous nurse had agreed to care for those who are injured; hopefully it won't come to that. But I'm not promising anything."

And then she winked. Honestly, have you ever seen a teacher wink? I didn't think so. Her eyes scanned the room and then settled on me, and I resisted the urge to gulp.

"Mr. Potter," she called, "come up here please."

I came up hesitantly a little ways from where she was standing.

"The rules are. No unforgivables."

I looked up at her, waiting for her to continue and then I'm positive she winked. No kidding.

"That's it."

She laughed.

"Didn't think I was going to go easy on you, did you Potter?"

I bowed keeping my eyes on her as I did. I held my wand at the ready. We both waited watching the other and then she leaped into action. She sent a stunner and straight after sent a bone breaker. I wasn't going to let that foil me, I ducked both of them and sent a jelly legs at her (messes with yout aim, let me tell you). She dodged and sent the next volley at me. I threw up a shield as a curse stopped inches from my nose. I breathed out and almost immediately started a return volley. I threw in every spell I knew but she was quick and she dodged, sending spell after spell. I learned spells and threw them straight back at her.

The crowd cheered us on, but I barely heard my mind was completely focused there wasn't a moment for thought. It was spell after spell, dodge right, duck under, spin, shield. As we continued I faintly heard the bell ring and I shook my head in amazement. We'd been dueling for over and hour!

"Class dismissed!" she barked and then she was back in it and I had to be.

After what seemed like forever I got clumsy and before you knew I saw a red light coming towards me and all I saw was black.

"Enevarate."

I saw McKinnon standing over me. She looked tired but she leaned down and gave me a hand up.

"Come with me, Potter," she said already walking towards a pair of steps.

"My classes," I protested weakly.

Dueling really took it out of you.

"I'll walk you, your teachers will understand," she said waving it away.

She led me into her office; it was dark blue and neat, dark detectors hanging all around the room. She pushed me into a seat and handed me a potion. I looked at it skeptically.

"Pepper-Up," she explained, putting the vial to her lips, "Never know when you're going to need it."

I took a drink and felt it burn down my throat, but felt immediately more alert. McKinnon turned to me.

"Let me ask you something, James," she said looking me straight in the eye.

I was surprised she called me James. Told you she was odd, in a good way of course.

"What do you want to be?"

"Well, I always thought I wanted to be an auror-"

"Maybe, I phrased it wrong, what do you want to do?"

It took me a minute to answer. What did I want to do?

"I want to help people. I want to make a difference. I want to fight Him. I want to look back on the war and know I made a difference."

She smiled, "Just as I thought. Come with me."

She turned around and swept out of the office. I followed hastily behind her. She turned through a maze of corridors. And stopped at a door, I easily recognized the door and the door to Dumbledore's office. I stopped behind her.

"Popsicle," she said and the griffin turned revealing a spiral staircase.

We stepped on and spiraled up and she stepped to the door. She raised her hand to knock.

"Come in," a voice called.

The door opened and Professor Dumbledore sat at his desk and observed us from behind half moon spectacles.

"Marlene, James," he said the twinkle persistent in his eyes.

Never known how he does, I've tried and tried, but honestly it's harder than it looks.

"No bad news I hope."

"No," McKinnon said briefly, "I wanted to recommend James for the Order."

"Aaah," Dumbledore said leaning back in his chair, "And why do you believe that he should be admitted?"

"He has a natural urge to help people, he's charismatic, and well he's an amazing dueler."

I felt myself blushing.

"Ah, yes well. I myself have often considered James for the order."

"Professor," I said uncertainly, "what is the order?"

"The order, my dear boy, is an organization, founded by myself, that is sworn to fight against Voldemort."

"And you think," I said slowly, "That I should join."

"Certainly," Dumbledore said, "If you feel you are up to the challenge."

"I don't think it's a question if I'm up to it are not. It's a question of what needs to be done."

The twinkle returned full force.

"I was hoping you'd say that."


	6. Chapter 6

McKinnon walked with me too the charms classroom.

"Professor," I asked hesitantly.

She laughed.

"Marlene, Professor makes me feel so old. I'm not that much older than you, you know?"

"Marlene," I said, the name flowing easily from my lips, "Do you really think that I'm up to it. To fighting I mean?"

She looked at me thoughtfully, her dark eyes looking straight into mine.

"Is anyone ever prepared to fight?" she asked me, "It's not really a question, James. No one is ever ready to fight. It just happens. I know I wasn't ready, almost got myself get killed. And do you know what the sad thing is, James?"

We'd reached the charms classroom now; we stood just outside of it.

"I used to cry myself to sleep the night after a battle happened. Now when I come home I don't give it a second thought. You get used to war."

And then she'd disappeared into the charms classroom. I followed clumsily in behind her. Sirius and Remus looked at me questionly. Sirius waved me over. I shook my head. Marlene was talking to Flitwick in hushed tones. Flitwick nodded encouragingly.

"That's quiet alright dear," I heard him squeak," I'll just send a letter to Albus."

She led me to an empty desk and shoved me into it; she gracefully took the seat next to me.

"What are you doing?" I asked her.

"Watching you," she said imitating me.

"Why?"

"Because," she answered knowingly, "After dueling for an hour your magical core has been severely depleted. The pepper up potion will keep you going for an hour, then you'll collapse and I'll be there to help and I also have to monitor your magic use."

"What about you?" I asked, "You dueled as much as I have."

"I'll live," Was all she'd say.

I sighed but turned back to what Flitwick was saying.

"Today, we'll be learning the Patronus Charm. It's used to defend against Dementors. I assume you've covered in defense."

He tilted his head to Marlene. She nodded.

"The incantation is Expecto Patronum. We'll try to practice today, but don't be discouraged if you don't get it today. It's an extremely difficult charm that many adults aren't capable of producing. We'll partner up and try to help each other."

Marlene motioned to me.

"Of course I don't need the practice, but I'll help you. But we're not going to over exert ourselves are we."

She looked at me threateningly. I shook my head no. Trust me when a teacher is staring you down, you do what said teacher says. I saw Sirius motioning to me. I shook my head slightly. He looked confused. I'm convinced I have dults as friends. I motioned to Marlene standing next to me. Who waved at him and winked. What was with the winking? Anyway this made poor Sirius even more confused at which point I gave up and turned back to Marlene.

"Ready?" she asked.

"I think," I said uncertainly.

"Now think of the happiest memory you can think of," she said.

I sifted for a moment for a memory.

_Sirius, Remus, Peter and I were sitting in our dorm room. For some reason Lily was there too. My head was rested in her lap and she stroked her hands through my hair. We were talking, reminiscing I supposed. We talked about our time at Hogwarts and about out time before Hogwarts. I had a feeling we knew all of it, but we were fine just remembering. A feeling of contentment hung through the air. The love and friendship in the air seemed to engulf everyone and it seemed ever so easy to simply forget that a war hung around in the air, right at our backs._

"Expecto Patronum!" I called.

Prongs burst from my wand. His antlers shining as he danced around the room. He moved past Sirius and nuzzled Lily lightly, he leaped over Marlene who laughed and came to a stop looking at me. I stared at him in wonder.

"50 points to Gryffindor!" Flitwick called out, "Excellent job, Mr. Potter."

My concentration slipped and Prongs disappeared in a puff of blue mist. Marlene smiled.

"Excellent," she said, "I was expecting to show you how it was done, but I feel I don't need to."

"I bet you can't do it," I teased her.

She looked at me with mock horror.

"Were you just cheeking a teacher Mr. Potter."

She gave a mock sad sigh.

"And just to show you that I can."

"Expecto Patronum," she called, speaking clearly.

A lioness burst from her wand roaring at me.

"Expecto Patronum," I said thinking of my three best friends.

The stag joined the lioness, butting its head and jumping back when it chased him. The stag was small in comparison to the large animal but they ran together. Marlene and I laughed as the stag and lioness played like old friends.

I staggered as I lost all energy. The stag disappeared and I sank blankly to the floor. Marlene was at my side in an instant. She propped me up in one arm.

"Magical exhaustion," she explained, to my worried classmates, "He'll be fine."

"May he be excused?" she asked Flitwick.

"Of course, my dear," he said immediately, "I'll alert the other teacher."

Marlene supported me as she walked across hallways and up stairways. I hated to admit but I needed it. I felt like I'd been hit with a bludger. When we reached what I recognized as the seventh floor she passed back and forth in front of a tapestry. Did it have trolls on it? It didn't really matter because moments later the troll covered tapestry was replaced by a large wooden door.

She opened it to reveal a large room; there were couches and large pillows sitting on the floor. Bookshelves covered each wall and there were pictures hanging all around the room.

"What is this place?" I asked in amazement, as she set me down on the couch.

"The house elves call it the Come-And-Room, but it's called the Room of Requirement."

She relaxed into one of the pillows and pulled a book off the shelf.

"You can sleep you know?" she said softly.

Just as I was about to stay, there was no way I was going to fall asleep. I felt my eyes close and the next thing I knew I was asleep.


	7. Chapter 7

**AN. Sorry it's been forever since I've updated. I've been working on Founders Four, which I highly suggest you check out. I'll still be updating as often as I can, but Founders Four takes high priority. Enjoy!**

Do you know what is weird? To wake up and feel tired. I stretched my arms and though I felt refreshed I had this dull annoying ache in my limbs. I'm never dueling for an hour again.

"How long have I been sleeping?" I asked Marlene, who was still curled up with a book in a chair.

Should I start reading books all the time? Everyone seems to be doing it. Maybe I should...

"A while," she said breaking off my train of thought.

She sat up and stretched, before continuing, "Since we both have classes off is there anything you want to do?"

She grinned wickedly. A marauder at heart I see.

"Of course," she said, "You can't leave this room."

I sighed heavily and dramatically.

"James," she scolded.

"Alright," I sighed, "Tell me about yourself."

"You first," she said, leaning back in her chair as if preparing herself for a lon story.

"Alright," I said, "I'm a single child and heir to the Potter family-"

"You make it sound so important," she interrupted.

I mock glared at her.

"Sorry," she said raising her hands in defense.

"As I was saying, I'm the heir to the Potter family. I'm a Gryffindor seventh year."

She snorted. I looked at her. She covered her mouth with her hands but I could still tell she was smiling. Stupid, cool teacher.

"I'm part of the Mauraders, the most awesome, group of people you will ever meet-"

"Notorious for getting in trouble," she interrupted.

"Can I get a sentence out?" I grumbled.

"I try," she said innocently, "But you're just so fun to annoy."

"Are you sure you're a teacher?" I asked her doubtfully.

"Almost positive," she said grinning.

"Anyway, I've always thought that my goal in life was to help people, so I'm thinking of being an auror-"

She snorted.

"That's what I thought untill I was almost one. Bloody idiots, though there was Moody. He's a right peice of work. He's in the order, too, so you'll meet him."

"Aheem," I said annoyed, "I believe I was telling you about myself."'

"Oh, right," she said, "By all means continue."

"My three best friends are: Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, and Peter Pettigrew. Now you."

"Aaaw, come on," she complained, "That was nothing."

"No you go," I said firmly.

"Ok, fine," she said, and then her expression turned sad and I was afraid I had asked something too personal.

"My parents are Jolene and Mark McKinnon; I had a little brother named Josh."

"Had?" I asked softly.

"They were killed last year, I survived."

"I'm so sorry," I said coming up behind her and wrapping her in embrace, "I can't imagine how you feel."

She let out a bark like laugh.

"But chances are you will, James," she said, "That's the thing about being talented, you survive when others don't."

"What do you mean?" I asked, scared of what she said next.

"When you duel, it's obvious who has the advantage, who will live and who will die. If you're good, which you are, James, you'll win the duel and you'll escape with your life and if you're not, you're dead in the snap of a finger. It's what war does James. Keep in mind the fact that the person you kill has a family that will cry when he dies, even if he's a deatheater. There are losses in both sides."

"Can't you end it without fighting?" I asked meekly.

She laughed again and I shrank back.

"Haven't you ever seen Dumbledore after he comes back from a battle, it kills him to hurt a soul and he does it. He did everything he could do save surrendering to stop a battle, but there is nothing he can do."

"I don't want to hurt anyone, I don't want to lose anyone," I said.

Her face softened and her blue eyes shown with tears.

"I'm sorry," she said embracing me, "I know you don't, you're such a good person, James. Don't let war catch you in it's jaw. You go. Classes will be done by now."

"I'm sorry," I said softly as I left.

She smiled sadly.

"You've got nothing to be sorry for."


	8. Chapter 8

"I think we should have a show."

I peeped my head around the corner. Sirius and Remus were facing each other in front of the Great Hall, Sirius was making dramatic arm motions and Remus stood there with his arms crossed.

"What kind of show?" Remus asked.

Even from here I could see he looked doubtful.

"A big show," Sirius exclaimed, throwing his arms out as if to explain the hugeness, "Like Romeo and Juliet."

I decided that it was the perfect time to enter.

"Shall I compare the to a summers day. For Romeo has come forth for thee," I cried striking a dramatic poise.

Sirius smiled triumphantly.

"I believe I've earned that title with my charming good looks and personality."

Remus laughed.

"Yah, right."

Sirius faked a wounded expression.

"And I suppose you want to be Romeo."

"Better me than you," he answered with a smile.

We entered the Great Hall and took our usual seats in the middle of the hall.

"It's actually a good idea Sirius," I told him over a big heaping plate.

Dueling makes me hungry and I'd missed lunch, you can't blame me for eating, can you?

"I told you he'd like it," Sirius told Remus, elbowing him in the ribs.

"What's a good idea?" a soft voice asked from behind him.

We all turned around to see Lily standing there looking dejected but curious.

"Sirius wants to put on a production of Romeo and Juliet," Remus explained.

"Oh," she said softly.

"What are you doing here, Evans?" Sirius asked rudely.

"I'm having some trouble with my friends," she said, "Can I sit here?"

"Of course you can," I said, glaring at Sirius.

I scooted over and she slid into the seat next to me.

"What did McKinnon want?" Sirius asked.

I winced at the mention and my eyes unconsciously traveled to the staff table. Marlene caught my eye and she seemed to understand. She shook her head softly then her eyes traveled to Dumbledore and I understood what she meant. How I'm not exactly sure. I just seemed to understand what she meant with the slight motions of eyes and hands. I gave a slight nod.

I turned back to my friends to see them looking between me and Marlene with confused expressions.

"It's nothing," I said, turning back to my food.

Surprisingly it was Remus who answered not Sirius as I had expected.

"It wasn't nothing, James. It was most obviously something," his voice was calm, but it was clearly a voice that demanded answers.

I glanced over at Lily. She was watching the exchange with interest.

"Fine, then," I said.

I heard Remus let out his breath.

"It's not my job to say."

"Then who's is it," Lily's voice asked.

I looked at her curiously.

"Why does it matter?" I asked.

The three of them looked at me.

"It matters because you won't tell us," Sirius said, surprisingly rational.

"And I'm telling you that it's not my place," I said.

"I just can't see why-"

"I'm afraid I must borrow Mr. Potter for just a moment," a wizened voice called from behind us.

The four of us jumped. Dumbledore stood behind us, his eyes twinkling down upon us.

I stood up and grabbed my bag.

"I won't disturb you from your dinner too long," he said kindly and led me out of the Great Hall and into an empty classroom. He waved his wand erecting wards and silencing charms around the rom.

"Lemon drop?" he asked curiously after he was done.

I considered the question for a moment. Lemon drops were good… Nah, not worth it.

"No thank you, sir," I said politely.

"I'm sorry to put you in such a position but I must tell you to do something most unpleasant and dishonest."

I gulped.

"You must lie. It's necessary that people don't know of the Order."

"Can't my friends join?" I asked.

"Alas," he said, mournfully, "As wonderful as your friends may be, I don't know that they are trustworthy or up to the task of joining the Order."

"I'm sure that-"

"Perhaps one day, they will join the Order but for now, I must ask that you be dishonest."

I let out a deep breath.

"What do you want me to say?"

"Say that after your magnificent performance in the duel today Professor McKinnon and I are giving you extra lessons to improve your training, which of course is true. I will send for you during these times, but half the time, it will be for meetings. I'm sorry to put you in this position, my boy. But it's all for the greater good."

"For the greater good," I whispered.

He put his hand on my shoulder and led me back to the Great Hall. Before we entered he whispered.

"Your first lesson is tomorrow night at 7 o'clock. My office."

"Thank you, sir."

He smiled.

"It's I who should be thanking you."

He clasped my shoulder and then disappeared with a dramatic flourish into the Great Hall. I've got to learn how to do that. I briefly considered trying it and then tossed the idea aside. Not worth it. I meekly entered the Great Hall and slid into the seat next to my friends.

"So what he want?" Sirius asked, leaning in curiously.

"He just was telling me when my next lesson-"I pretended to stop myself in mid sentence.

They took the bait and I felt a wave of guilt wash over me.

"What lessons?" Remus asked.

"Nothing," I said turning back to my food.

"You've practically already told us," Sirius cried.

"Fine," I huffed, pretending to be annoyed, "After the duel. McKinnon took me to Dumbledore's office. She told him about it and they offered to give me private lessons."

"Why were you late to charms?" Lily asked curiously, "It couldn't have taken that long to talk to Dumbledore."

I looked up curiously.

"We were dueling for more than an hour," I explained cautiously.

The three of them looked at me in amazement.

"You should be passed out on the floor," Lily said.

I laughed.

"I had a nice long nap throughout most of the day."

There was silence for a long time.

"So Dumbledore's really giving you private lessons, eh?" Sirius asked.

"Yah," I said.

And they believed me; I could see it in my eyes. They believed every word I said; there wasn't even a doubt. It scared the crap out of me.


	9. Chapter 9

"Professor," I called out nervously.

"You can come in, James," I heard Marlene's voice call through the thick door.

I opened the door to seem them both staring at me, Dumbledore and Marlene I mean. It was kind of freaky actually. They just continued to stare and I couldn't decide which one to stare back at, so my eyes just darted back and forth. Which looks really stupid trust me.

"This will be the first of many lessons you will have this year," Dumbledore said finally breaking the silence.

"Sir?" I asked, "May I ask you a question?"

The thought had been nagging me since he'd first talked to me.

"You already did, but go ahead."

"Why me?" I asked, "Out of all the people in the school why me? "

"Aaah," he said, with a customary twinkle of the eyes, "Modesty is an amazing quality to posses, and I'm sure that Ms. Evans would argue about the amount that you have, but it seems that you have more than she predicted."

He let out a little chuckle at the thought. Marlene looked on curiously, obviously not aware of Lily's outbursts.

"I'm not sure I understand, sir."

He looked at me from behind his half-moon spectacles, his cerulean eyes seeming to prompt something that I didn't quite understand.

"You've got amazing potential, James," a voice said, surprising me. It was not a voice that I had expected to hear, it was Marlene who spoke, "You have an amazing heart. Its people like that, which we need. You have to have both, if you know what I mean."

"But my friends have both potential and heart," I protested.

Marlene opened her mouth to answer, but Dumbledore cut her off.

"Perhaps," he said, "But now onto the business at hand. We are going to go over some of the more basic elements of dueling. Aim, stance, footwork and such. I understand that you may already know, but it is a good place to start. But first do you own combat robes?"

I looked down in embarrassment. I remembered clearly last summer when my father had offered to buy them for me. But I'd brushed him off looking eagerly at the new brooms coming out. Stupid, stupid, stupid.

Dumbledore's eyes were disappointed as he looked over me. His gaze made me flush with shame.

"Very well," he said in a tone that matched his eyes and I dropped my eyes in shame, "I can provide you with the robes. I will expect you to wear them to every lesson and to battle any time you can. I will give you permission to wear them in class."

He walked over to a cabinet and reached in and pulled out a pair of black robes. He handed them to me and my hand roved over the smooth fabric.

"It's completely fire proof, though some flamed fire will burn it, it can block some minor spells, and it's rather stain resistant."

"Thank you, sir."

I slid it into my bag and put my bag by the door. When I returned they were both standing up waiting for me.

"Sir?" I asked.

"Albus," he corrected, "If we are to work together, I insist that we call each other by our first names."

"Albus?" I asked instead.

"Yes, James."

"Do you have combat robes?"

I glanced at his vibrant purple robes, with little sparkling wands. His eyes twinkled merrily as he watched me eye his robes.

"It's all in appearances, James. I wear eccentric combat robes so people don't know what they are. I hand out lemon drops coated with a mild truth serum so that people won't lie to me. Don't you see James; people think that I'm a crazy old man, basking in the fame from Grindewald's defeat."

"But they still respect you," I said not seeing his point.

I was still kind of freaked out about the lemon drop thing, I mean I like those candies. I was going to have to buy my own stash. I think I saw some of those at Honeydukes…

His next words brought me out of my daydream.

"They respect me, because they feared Grindewald. Imagine if I was different from who I pretend I am. Imagine that I was imposing, imagine that I was commanding, imagine if I showed my power."

Strangely I could see what he meant. I could see the Dumbledore he described. I unconsciously shivered.

"It's so easy to be that person, but you see when I act like a crazy old man people tend to underestimate you and then you have the advantage. Of course you, as a child already have that advantage. The death eaters will have no idea what hit them."

He let out a little chuckle. I could see his point I suppose. I didn't have to like it. It sounded too much like lying. Putting on a little show, for everyone but yourself. But it made since, I could see why death eaters would sneer at the Dumbledore they saw and then it hit me.

"Isn't you-know-who scared of you though?" I asked him.

"Please call him by his name James. For fear of a name increases the fear of the thing itself."

"Voldemort then."

"Yes, Voldemort is afraid of me. He knows more about me then his servants do, though my act didn't ever really fool him."

I stared at him for awhile.

"Then how did you know who everyone really is?"

"Know that is the question isn't it?" he said, "You'll have to find that out yourself. Now onto the business at hand, we've delayed far too long."

"Show me your dueling stance, please," Marlene said calmly.

I jumped, I forgot she was there. She smiled pleasantly.

"Dueling stance?"

Oh, right. I positioned my legs and held my wand.

"Nope," she said.

I frowned.

"Your stance has to be sturdier than that. When a powerful spell hits you your shield will not take the entire blow, it'll knock you back some. And if you're in that wimpy stance you'll fall on your arse. Embarrassing way to lose, huh?"

She corrected my stance, throwing my hind leg back more than I was used to.

"Let's try it out then, shall we?" she asked in an annoying perky tone.

She threw a powerful stunner and I threw up a quick shield. It knocked me back and I stumbled. I didn't fall but I lost my balance. She threw another stunner at me and I blacked out.

"Enervarate."

Marlene's face hovered over me with a smile and she pulled me to my feet.

"You didn't hold your stance," she said with mock sadness, "Better keep in it or your find yourself on the floor again."

I groaned but repositioned myself. A red light headed towards me and I threw up my shield, I was proud to see I didn't stumble back one bit.

"Good," she called and another light came at me. I dodged it but lost my position and the next one she sent made me stumble backwards, she hit me with the next one and I was greeted by darkness.

This time she didn't help me up she just stared at me.

"You have to be quick, Potter," she sneered in a condensing tone, "Otherwise you'll get hit and it won't be with a stunner."

I readied myself and was ready when she sent the next volley of stunners. My wand was quick and I held my position. Whenever I faltered, Marlene would sneer at me and with quick jibes she got me to learn. After what seemed like an eternity, she called it to a stop.

"You'll start with aim tomorrow," Dumbledore said, "You'll be training with Marlene every night at seven."

I raised my eyes in disbelief.

"I have detention, sir," I said quietly.

He looked up at me.

"May I ask what for?"

"Sirius was having a hard time and he's rather good at voice impersonations..."

"I will talk to Minerva," he said looking at me behing the half moon spectacles.

"You'll meet with me every Saturday at 5 o'clock. I'll be teaching you Occlumency."

"Is it necessary Albus?"

He stared at me with his cerulean blue eyes, that seemed to see right into my very soul.

"Would I be teaching you it if it was not?"

I shook my head fervently.

"I thought so," he said, "You are dismissed."

Marlene and I excited the office together.

"Sorry about the jibes," she said as we walked down the hall, "I couldn't think of another way to make you work harder."

"It's alright," I said, "I needed it."

We were silent for awhile.

"Every night?" I asked her.

"I know, James," she said with a sigh, "But Albus was insistent. He's putting a lot of faith in you. Now that you're in the Order. You have to try your best."

I sighed.

"It's just that I don't know, I feel like I'm not ready for this."

"Good," she said after awhile, "it's never good to feel ready for power."

"Is that what this is?"

"Yes," she said, "Your powerful James."

We had reached the fat lady and I turned to enter it.

"Thank you," I said.

She smiled and I couldn't help but notice how pretty she looked when she smiled.

"Your welcome," she said, "Goodnight, James."

She pulled me into a hug and she felt good in my arms, in a way that was different from anything else. She disappeared and I was left standing outside the door for a minute.

"Pig snout," I said finally.

I entered the common room to find my friends staying waiting up for me. I was surprised to find Lily among them.

"Hey, where you been?" Sirius asked.

"We've been looking all over," Remus said sincerely.

"I was at my lesson," I said honestly.

"How'd it go?" Lily asked curiously.

"Tiring," I said leaning back on the couch, "Marlene's really hard on me."

"McKinnon?" Sirius asked, "Thought Dumbles was giving you the lessons."

"He is," I said quickly, "But Marlene is giving me more of the lessons, because she has more time."

Sirius nodded satisfied.

"How often do you have to go?" Remus asked leaning forward in his chair.

"Every night," I said.

"Every night," Sirius gasped.

"Even on….," Remus trailed off looking nervously at Lily.

But I understood what he meant. Full moons. I looked out the window noticing the almost full stage. Remus looked at me again, with a sense of urgency and for the first time I noticed the dark circles under his eyes.

"I'm sure she would make an exception," I said finally.

He let out a deep breath and leaned back in his chair.

"I'm going to bed," Sirius exclaimed with a yawn and headed over to the dormitory steps.

"Me, too," I said standing up.

"Did you finish you essay?" Remus asked.

I let out a groan and collapsed back on the coach pulling out a quill and a piece of paper.

"Stupid Slughorn," I muttered under my breath.

Lily giggled beside me. I looked up in surprise. Lily. I'd completely forgotten about her, which was surprising considering she was on my mind a lot. Did I really just think that? I realized I was staring and quickly looked down. Now what exactly were the main ingredients to Veriteserum? I let out a sigh and escaped into the never ending details of home work.

After an hour of work I slammed the book closed.

"I'm done," I announced.

Lily and Remus looked up in surprise.

"Alright," I huffed, "I'm doing the other half at breakfast."

Remus shrugged his shoulders, but Lily closed her books too.

"Yah, me too," she said, 'I'll just finish mine later."

Remus and I stared at her in shock.

"What?" she said defensively, "I'm tired."

I shrugged.

"'Night Remus, 'night Lily."

"Good night, James," Lily said as I disappeared up the stairs.

As I lay in bed to Sirius's gentle snoring. (He'll never admit he snores, but trust me after seven years I am thoroughly aware that he does.) What had happened between me and Marlene? It had been strange, definitely, in a good way I supposed. But then there was Lily. Who I was in love with. I loved her didn't I? Yes, I definitely did love her. But she didn't love me, so did that mean it was okay to maybe love Marlene, too. My heart whispered _yes_ in a seductive tone, and I couldn't help but agree.

**AN. Yes, there will be a little Marlene/James, don't kill me. It still will be mainly Lily/James so don't worry. But the course of true love never does run true. And the only clue I'm giving as too what happens is that there is a certain chapter you should reread in OotP, if anyone finds it PM me. :)**


	10. Chapter 10

**AN. I edited the end of Chapter Nine, it sounded off, so I suggest going back to read it... It's kinda short but I wanted to end it there. Enjoy!**

I woke with the sun. Which is really unusual let me tell you. Most of the time there's either a bucket of water (Remus) or a drum set (Sirius). So it was perfectly natural to look around wildly for either of the too. I let out a big sigh flopping back down on my pillow and closed my eyes, waiting for sleep to over take me. Nothing. I got out of bed with a grumble, collecting my bags and heading down to the common room. If I was going to have three extra hours, might as well take advantage of it.

It took me all of three seconds to realize I was not alone. Lily was curled up on the coach her essay sitting in front of her. She jumped up when she saw me.

"James," she said her voce high with surprise.

"Hey," I said, very conscious of the fact that I wasn't exactly wearing a shirt.

"Couldn't sleep," she said vaguely gesturing around at the books in front of her.

"Neither could I," I said flopping down on the sofa.

She sat down hesitantly beside me; I pulled out my papers nonchalantly, and began working.

"Stupid sluggy," I muttered under my breath.

I finished way before Lily. Probably because the quality of mine was second hand at best. But it wasn't that bad. An A or possibly an E, which wasn't the good... The point was, I was sitting there with nothing to do but watch Lily work. She absentmindedly tucked a piece of red hair behind her ear. Her eyes were focused in concentration and her legs curled up in a catlike position, and I found myself staring. My fingers had a strange itching skill and I got out a spare piece of parchment. My fingers moving along lines as I watched her, drawing who I saw Lily as.

"What are you doing?" she asked, breaking me out of my trance.

I stared down at my paper to see Lily Evans. It wasn't exactly like her, but it felt like her, in a way that was hard to describe. It felt like the lines made up who Lily truely was.

"Nothing," I said, tucking the paper away carefully into my bag.

She looked suspicious, but she let it go. She looked out the window and the sun was getting higher in the sky.

"Better go wake up the girls," Lily said, departing up the stairs with a small backward glance.

"Yeah," I said quietly even though, no one was there.

I took out the piece of paper with Lily on it and looked at it as I walked up the stairs. When I entered the dormitory I discovered that Remus was awake, making his bed. The poor fellow. He looked up in surprise.

"Where have you been?" he asked.

"Just working on my essay," I said casually and subtly watching for his reaction.

It was worth it. His eyes widened comically and his eyebrows rose reaching up for his hairline.

"Really," he said, as if he was expecting me to say no.

"Really," I said energetically.

He snatched the drawing out of my hand, and I made a desperate grab for it. He studied it for a moment and then he looked at it with a knowingly , his eyebrows relaxing from their raised position and a knowing smile resting on his lips, as he handed the picture back.

"What?" I demanded hotly.

"Nothing," he said with an annoyingly superior tone, "We should wake Sirius up."

"You're right," I said with a wicked grin and Remus automatically winced. Reaction of living with me, I suppose.

Sirius slept peacefully in his bed, his breathing deep and even. I crept slowly and silently over to his bed. In an instant I pounced on top of him and he let out a high pitched squeal.

"James," he cried, as he realized who was on top of him, "Get off."

He shoved me off his bed, and I fell onto the floor.

"Hey," I called tackling him again.

"Unfair, unfair," Sirius called from underneath me, "I'm hardly awake."

He pushed me off him again and I brushed myself off with a sigh.

"I'll let you off this time, Black. Next time you won't be so lucky," I said in my best menacing voice.

And then I swept off to the bathroom. Which when you think of it isn't the best place to sweep off too. But sweeping out of the room and then having to sweep myself back in was just lame, well so was sweeping off to the bathroom wasn't either. But you can't blame me can you?


	11. Chapter 11

I slipped stealthily into the great hall and slid into the seat next to Lily. I looked around carefully and Lily watched me with a mild amusement.

"What are you doing?" she asked after a minute of frantic eye movements.

"Looking for Sirius," I said.

She raised her eyebrows, as if asking a question. I never know how people could ask a question like that. I mean even I, the master of facial expressions, sometimes have trouble doing that. And there Lily was doing it like she did it everyday. Which now that I think about it she actually might…

"Why?" she prompted.

"Oh," I said, forgetting for a moment what she'd been asking about.

"Let's just say, Sirius had a mean awakening this morning and he's not exactly happy with me."

Lily winced in sympathy, and I gave a slight shudder. Then she grinned in a wicked manner.

"Was it worth it?" she asked.

A marauder at heart, my dear Lilykins was.

"Totally," I said.

"What are you two planning," a bedraggled Remus asked as he slid into the seat next to us.

"Nothing," we both said in unison and smiled at him.

He looked at us skeptically but turned back to his book, which he somehow had pulled out without us noticing. I'm not kidding this book thing was seriously creeping me out. Does everyone read them, besides me?

"Hey, Lily," I whispered in a conspirative tone, which caused Remus to look up warily, "What's up with the books?"

Lily looked up at me in surprise, as did Remus, who had been eavesdropping, the little sneak. It took her a little while to answer, as she was still in shock.

"You mean, you want to read something," Remus whispered in an awed tone, "What has gotten in to you?"

"It's just everyone's reading these days, and I feel left out. I want to see what the big deal is," I said with a casual shrug of the shoulders.

"Well come on," Lily said grabbing me by the arm and pulling me off the bench.

"Hey," I cried as she marched me off to the library, "Be careful with me."

She dragged me all the way to the library, straight to a little corner in the back with, fiction printed on a colorful banner on top of the shelves. She sat me down on a seat and began hastily scanning the shelves. I watched with mild boredom as she piled book after book on the small table next to me.

"Uhhh, Lily," I said uneasily, "I am just trying out this book thing. Try not to overload me."

"Hmmm," she said turning around to face me. And putting a huge novel she'd just put on the stack back up on the shelf, with what she obvisouly thought a sneaky movement, "Right."

"And," I said, kind of embarrassed, "I need a book on Defense and one on Occlumency."

She looked rather impressed, so I figured it had been the right thing to say.

"Right," she repeated this time in a business like tone, "Find one of those you like. I'll find the book on Occlumency and then we'll look at the Defense books together. I know where they are."

Then she hurried off, vanishing between the shelves. I read carefully along the backs of the books, and found that they sounded interesting. Kind of like those things that Muggles had, telemiggers, where they had those little moving pictures. I thumbed through a couple of books, putting them in the keep pile, which was surprisingly larger than the rejects pile. Lily returned five minutes later, announcing her presence with a huff.

"I can't find anything," she said, blowing a piece of hair out of her face, "They don't have anything."

"That's alright," I said putting the last book in the keep pile, "I need to come back later. Help me get these books would you?"

I handed her a large stack of books, which she took with a shocked expression. I staggered over to the librarian, some woman I remembered seeing briefly when I dragged Remus out of the library mostly. I tried to remember if she was new this year or not, but soon gave up.

"Will this be all?" she asked dryly.

"Yep," I said.

She frowned.

"I'll just let you take them. Write your name in the cover. There due back in a month."

"Thanks," I said brightly, before dumping the books in my bag.

I must remember to thank Remus for the weightless bag, you know the kind when it feels like there's nothing in it, but there's actually an entire pile of bricks. And I did not test that (no matter what Remus says!). Lily dumped her pile into my bag, too, and let out a sigh of relief.

"Come on," she said, "We're going to be late to class."

"And we mustn't let that happen, must we?" I muttered, but let her drag me in the direction of the dungeons.

We arrived a second before Slughorn swept in to the classroom, and tripped while he was doing it, might I add. Lily sat eagerly at the front of the classroom and I sat reluctantly next to her, looking longingly at the back.

"Today," Slughorn said waving his wand at the board and writing begin to appear,

Wish I could do that. They probably have that spell in the library somewhere…

"We're starting a long winded process of making the polyjuice potion. It's mainly considered a dark potion, but those of you who strive to be aurors will find it's a useful potion to be able to make. You'll be working with the partners your sitting with for the next month. There will be a lot of details you'll need to do out of class, so expect to see a lot of you partners."

The class broke out in a mixture of excited whispers and groans. I glanced over at Lily, who was practically bouncing around in her seat.

"Do you know what this means?" she said excitedly, leaning over next to me.

I was slumped over in my chair, my head protruding over the top of the desk.

"The polyjuice is a really hard potion to make; it's going to be a big challenge."

She flipped to a section in her book, her eyes roaming over the ingredients and then begin unpacking her stuff and setting it out in a neat line.

"Chop these beetle legs would you, James?" she said handing me a jar with spindly little legs sticking up in all directions. I shuddered.

"Sure."

"_It was going to be a long month,_" the profet muttered.


	12. Chapter 12

**AN. Sorry that I took so long. I was busy and I had some writers block.... I don't really like this chapter. But I wanted to have a chapter. So here you go. Hope you like. R&R**

There was a reason I was standing here in between Sirius and Remus in the headmaster's office, and strangely it's not the one you're probably thinking of. It starts with a d, and surprisingly it does not end with an r. You know as in DANGER? It ends with an m, wait no an a. It ends in an a. Can you guess it? No I guess I'll just tell, unimaginative being, honestly. It's DRAMA. As in Sirius's play. Did I say Sirius? Of course not because this play will be MINE, because I am the master of DRAMA. End of story. Well not really, but you know what I mean.

"And in conclusion," Sirius said flipping his wand at the projection board. The result was a little squiggle. I coughed lightly and Sirius brandished his wand, pushing back his sleeve and flicked the wand again. The squiggle well squiggled into the words _The Marauder's production of Romeo and Juliet. _

Dumbledore steepled his fingers, gazing at us with that little twinkle that I admire.

"I'm very sorry but Hogwarts has a no drama policy," his face remained grim, but there was an inner happiness that was rare to see on his face anymore.

Sirius shoulders drooped and when he spoke his voice was a little kid's whine.

"Why?"

"A very long time ago when I was but a simple transfiguration teacher here at Hogwarts. Our dear Herbology teacher decided to have a performance of the classic tale of 'The Fountain of Fair Fortune'. He was however unaware that the young lady playing one young witch was dating the knight and the young lady playing the other witch happened to be dating the knight at the end of the story, and the play. Needless to say a duel soon preceded a duel which the halls of Hogwarts have never seen before. And thought my revolving hill and marvelous fountain did their parts marvelously, Hogwarts has never had a never drama, and the walls were never carved with wood again."

Remus looked confused, as did Lily. I could tell 'cause her nose and eyebrows were scrunched up in concentration. Sirius nodded with a knowing smile (rare sight indeed folks). Sirius has watched _way_ too many soap opera's at my house. Let's just say the summer was spent eating, playing Quidditch, sleeping, and watching soap opera's. Occasionally in that order.

But I understood the basic idea. No drama. No play. A wasted fantastically idea. But of course Sirius had realized what this meant as well and he doesn't give up easily. I have had many arm wrestling wars to prove that. Just can't except defeat can he? I smiled a little at the thought. Mentally of course, smiling in such a grim situation would be suicidal. Remus would no that more than anyone. Poor, poor man.

"But Romeo and Juliet is a muggle classic. It's educational to those of different heritage. It would teach people a little bit about Muggle culture. And even most purebloods know of it. I think the student population would really enjoy it," Lily said in that calm and commanding voice of hers and I felt my heart melt. My Lilykins would save the day.

Dumbledore looked just as serious as he had before but his eyes twinkled more than ever.

"If you were able to get some teacher support, the rule might be over ruled."

Sirius smiled and Remus lost the confused look. Finally got it, buddy. Good for you! They all turned to me, funny how people all get the same idea at the same time. And I got it even before they opened their mouths.

***************************

I collapsed in the chair next in Marlene's office with a sigh. She looked up with amused interest from the book she was reading.

"What's up with you?" she asked.

"Marlene," I said fluttering my eyes.

Marlene was silent for a moment, considering the situation with a serious mask, and then suddenly she burst out laughing.

"What?"

"Nothing, nothing," she said, straightening her face, but her lips turned up at the edges, betraying her amusement.

"I was wondering what you felt about Romeo and Juliet."

She spun around in her chair her finger skimming along the bookshelf behind her and carefully selecting a book from the shelf. She spun around to face me handing me the battered much read copy of Romeo and Juliet. The pages were bent the way and that, creases marking almost every page. The pages were yellowed with age and the words were faded to a dull gray and I saw little notes hidden in the margins.

"That answers that question," I muttered to myself, "The Marauders where thinking of having a production of Romeo and Juliet, Dumbledore said we needed teacher support."

"Letting you break the old rule, sneaky old man," Marlene said, but a smile betrayed her amusement, "He must really like you lot."

I saw Dumbledore in my minds eye. Trusting me with the order. Out of every one in the school. Putting his life in my hands.

"Yeah," I said, "He must."

"I offer my full support. If only because I love the story so much."

I smiled.

"Simply wonderful."

She leaned back in her chair, with an interested expression.

"Who were you thinking of having direct," she said, looking for the world like she was about to start taking notes.

"Mansen," I said casually, "As Muggle Studies teacher, and a definite Lily supporter, Lily thought it should be easy to rope her into it."

Marlene smiled slyly.

"So Lily's gonna be working on it, huh?"

"You're such a tease, Marlene," I said.

She just smiled, leaning forward.

"Now onto business. Today we're working on aim," she said, wiping the smile off her face. She was all business. Teacher mode on… most of the time. Fun teacher mode or whatever.

She waved her wand and I device I recognized as a muggle dart board appeared.

"Now, you're going to hit the center."

"Easy," I said, with a cocky grin.

I drew my wand and aimed it at the dartboard.

"_Sterme," _I shouted.

I most certainly did_ not_ miss. Dead center I'm telling you. Alright it might have not hit _dead_ center. Just drag it out of me would you, fine it missed entirely. Might as well have ended up on the wall behind me and Marlene was smirking. Do teachers smirk? Have you seen a teacher smirk? What was up with her, winking and smirking in one week. Weirdo.

"It wasn't horrible for a first try," she said raising a hand to hide her growing smile, "But I'll show you how it's done. "

"_Sterme,"_ her voice was quite and confident.

She missed. By a long shot, might as well have hit the wall behind _her_… ok fine she hit it spot on. The very center of the itty bitty target. But hey, I can dream can't I?

"Now," she said, "Try again."

I let out a groan and she had this really stern look on her face, so I brandished my wand.

"Sterme," I whispered focusing on the pointing my wand. It missed by an inch. A definite improvement I'd say. But not dead center, not near good enough. Not for James Alexander Potter.

"Here," she said coming up behind me and steadying my arm repositioning it so the arm was steadier.

"Correct your stance, again," she said

"Focus your attention on the center. But don't let your mind drift, there are always enemies near."

"Don't waste energy."

"Put in some power."

"Don't be such a wimp."

"Don't get cocky."

"Steady your arm."

"Loosen up a bit."

"Don't flail around like a noodle."

"Don't lash your arm about."

"Keep your movements sharp."

"The air is liquid. Be smooth."

"Good enough."

I collapsed in a chair. She grinned like a Cheesire cat.

"See you tomorrow."

She gave me a little wave and pushed me out the door. _Damn that woman, _was the first thought in my mind. The second was, _damn she's good. _


	13. Chapter 13

**Hey Everyone!**

**I know it has been a _really really _long time, but I really have zero inspiration for this story, my writing style has changed so much that last time when I tried to write a new chapter I ended up writing a completely different story. I love this story, it was my first story and I don't really want to abandon it, I thought it was a good idea, but though I love it as I said I really can't write it anymore, so I'm here to say that if you liked this story check out my new story _Lilies and Roses_. It's going to follow a similiar plot line, but I think it might be easier to write then this one is. To be warned it's very different than this story, and I've added a completely new character. Sorry to anyone who thought this was a new chapter.... **

**~I'm-Reading**


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